the start of another year has already visited and is passing by with "whats the next thing"
and it's been hard for me.
now and then
i hit this time in my life where i want so many things
but i either can't choose or decide what i should focus on.
and to tell u the truth i'm scared..
scared to pick something and not love it..
scared to pick a field and study it
scared to get into a debt that maybe in the end wasn't worth it..
where does that leave me with?..
maybe applying for a day job?
and maybe left doing something i hate
but then maybe it will push me to do things i love when i clock out?
i don't know.
maybe i'm just waiting... which seems to be a waste.
what do i want most in my life???
well things that kinda rely on other people...
Things i know that i would be content on doing for the rest of my life.
but waiting around doesn't pay bills
i've been laying awake every night
because i'm trying to see my reality
it's hard to keep dreaming night after night
and wake up and see my next step has got me no where.
and honestly i hate being depressed
i hate feeling stuck
and i hate complaining..
but i guess i'm writing this for my own use later
i mean the magic and beauty of a rainbow can only come after rain..
and like that promise i will see my rainbow, i just don't know how many rainy days it will take.